Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Five Minutes a Day: Eight (Jokes)

8 – ‘Jokes’

My dog’s got no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible. I had him put down and now he’s decomposing.

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
An abomination that dies within 36 hours.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
No-one, you’ve got tinnitus.

I’m not saying that my mother-in-law is fat, but she died from cardiovascular disease.

What do you call a man sitting on the side of the road with a blanket and a dog?
Nothing, and you avoid eye contact.

What do you call a man who’s the CEO of a large financial company?
Anything you like, he can’t hear you through the glass ceiling.

Waiter, waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
I’m sorry, I’ll get you another one.
Please don’t sue.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a pair of curtains.
You have psychosis. I’ll start you on a course of Thorazine.

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