Wednesday, 25 June 2014


[SFX: An answerphone beep]

I thought about you this morning, as I nailed my hand to a piece of MDF. To clarify, the nailing of the hand to the piece of MDF wasn’t a statement about how I feel towards you – If I’m honest, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t be - I hadn’t wanted, or, indeed, intended, to nail my hand to the piece of MDF at all. I had wanted (and intended) to nail the piece of MDF to another piece of MDF. And then to the wall, to make a nice set of shelves.

But as I stood there, with the hammer poised, a blur of movement outside the window caught my attention. It was an enormous plane, descending slowly to the ground in the distance (or a tiny plane, landing in my garden; but time has taught me that the latter option is significantly less likely). And this plane, this fusion of steel and engineering and optimism, it reminded me – reminded me that I was supposed to pick you up from the airport last Tuesday.

So, I guess I’m ringing you to apologise. The last time I checked, it was considered bad manners not to follow through on a promise to pick someone up from the airport. But, then, the last time I checked was probably about seven years ago. It wasn’t something that I saw as being particularly liable to change, and in many ways, the fact that I once checked is more remarkable than the fact that I haven’t checked recently.

When you get this message, can you please ring me back? I’d love to hear about your holiday, and would also welcome any distraction from the fact that my hand is currently nailed to a piece of MDF.