The Crystal Moral Maze
Richard O’Brien and Michael Buerk host as panellists take part in provocative and engaging live debate, while completing an Aztec-themed assault course. In the first episode, the contestants will be asked to assemble a large, three dimensional polystyrene puzzle of a cube while asking whether drug companies should be given greater access to NHS patient data.
Craig Charles presides over the mechanical mayhem. As nuclear weapons technology has become more sophisticated, and the Robots have gone nuclear, the threat of mutually assured destruction precludes ‘hot’ conflict. This week, Sergeant Bash clumsily negotiates a territorial treaty with Chaos II.
Skill or no skill?
A member of the public decides upon an order in which to open a number of sealed boxes. Meanwhile, Noel Edmonds pretends to have a conversation with an actuary.
Feet or parakeet?
Amputees compete in a general knowledge quiz to win the chance to play for the grand prize – a synthetic limb - or the consolation prize of an affable tropical bird. Alternately described as saccharine/ feel-good viewing* it’s a win-win situation. Although one prize they actually want to win.
I’m a Celebrity Mastermind
In between trials, competitors are asked to answer questions on a specialist subject. This week, Kirsty Young tests her knowledge of Shelley’s nineteenth century sonnets between swallowing mouthfuls of fried scorpion, and Jacqui Smith breaks down in tears as she can’t remember the composer of The Archers theme tune while crossing a high-wire, and Simon Rimmer reveals his knowledge of the accounts of Green’s Restaurant, Manchester**. Hosted by Ant, Dec, and John Humphreys.
The same as normal Countdown, but all contestants and adjudicators must shout their lines.
Britain’s Got A Serious Social Problem
Not to be confused with ‘I’m convinced that I have a modicum of talent, and members of my family encouraged me’, ‘Britain’s Got a Serious Social Problem’ involves a panel of three scathing judges heaping criticism and spitting bile at all who are paraded on stage before them. The twist is that those auditioning are homeless, and their routines consist of asking for some spare change, please, mate.
Luke, I am your father
The televised results of Scottish paternity tests.