Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Stock market news

Helter-skelters are in spiralling decline, while chimneys are through the roof.

Lifts experienced some ups and downs, while escalators showed constant ascension. Reptiles were initially sluggish, but picked up around midmorning.

There was chaos in the FTSE 100, after GKN announced a surprise merger with ICAP and AMEC, forming an unwieldy acronym. A trader sneezed, and inadvertently invested the entire contents of the treasury of Taiwan in George Michael’s comeback album. David Blaine bought a lilo, and attempted to literally float himself on the stock market, while Sean Connery was left ‘schlightly bruisched’ after there was a rush on British Bonds.

Critics branded the afternoon’s trading ‘derivative’. Falsettos wavered, and bombers nosedived.

Rulers remained stationery.

The Cavalier claimed that they saw it coming, the Blasé claimed that it wouldn’t make an observable difference, while there has been no reaction as yet from the Stoics.

No comments:

Post a Comment