Kids will be kids, and accidents happen
you’re alive when you shouldn’t expect to be.
Besides, by order of the courts
We’ll pay for the javelin-ectomy
We’re sorry for all the events of last night
we’re sorry that you got excited.
But when I said that “we are going to bed”
We didn’t mean you were invited.
Sorry we saw your house being burgled, and did not call the cops,
We were watching TV at the time, through our freeview box.
We wanted to get up and help, but the box wont record – we know why
It’s a cheapskate piece of knock-off tat – we should have paid for Sky.
Sorry for the offensive cards I’ve given you over the years, you old, fat, feckless waste of space.