Monday, 1 September 2014


Dear library users,

You may have noticed that the shelves are looking slightly sparser than usual. This is due to our ongoing improvement works, and the installation of a new, online cataloguing system.

This is an online system of unparalleled sophistication. By feeding it all of the borrowing records of the last twenty one years (when we installed our first digital cataloguing system), we have taught the catalogue to recognise user preferences. The new system is capable of predicting, with depressing accuracy, the books that you will want to borrow in the future.

To our surprise, the system told us that the only book that will be borrowed in the next two years will be Gregg Wallace’s autobiography, ‘Life on a Plate’. When we saw the readout, we were incredulous. But we have checked the calculations. We have re-checked the calculations. We have checked and re-checked our checking. And the computer is right. So we are taking the other books away,

You have only yourselves to blame.

No comments:

Post a Comment