Preparing to join university? Well, if you want to make friends, you’re going to have to start thinking about joining some clubs and societies, or cultivating some sort of personality. Do you have time to cultivate a personality? No, I didn’t think so. You’re weird and awkward and silently accept the judgement of strangers. So why not join SockSoc? After the horrific incident in which half of our members went missing inside a washing machine, we have plenty of space, membership cards, and personalised clothing*, available – SockSoc, the university’s biggest, and only, sock appreciation society.
In meetings, we exchange sock-based anecdotes, watch famous films, looking for sections in which socks appear, and discuss recent sock-related news stories. The sock-related question for our first meeting of term will be: “Are socks responsible for global warming?” As well as ‘social’ events (see above), we also have a number of speakers give guest lectures: in the past, we’ve written to request talks from such famous sock-wearers as J.K. Rowling, The Queen, Steve McQueen, Queen, Queen Latifah, and Steve Buscemi. None of them have agreed to speak, yet, but it’s the thought that counts. And the thought of receiving another couple of hundred emails from me should persuade them to come and talk.
Talking of talks, you may have heard about the controversy at this year’s Freshers’ Fair. I was manning the SockSoc stall at the time, so you can take my word for it, everything that you’ve heard about it is true; an argument between members of the Debating Club, over whether they should use a biro or pencil to sign people up, got increasingly vocal, until the club’s treasurer rugby-tackled the secretary, and, because they’re used to British Parliamentary style, the first proposition was joined by a second, third, and fourth. There was a brief pause, as the second opposition struggled to think of a case extension, but punching resumed as the proposition reminded them that they ‘had points of information, and weren’t afraid to use them’. It was such a shame to see them descending into violence like that. I mean, the first rule of talk club is that you do not fight about talk club.
So, erm, where was I? Right, yes, join SockSoc.
* If you want the personalised clothing to be specific to your name, you may have to change your name.