Villains' convention (sketch)

SUPERVILLAIN
And you're ready to send the invites to the printers?

ASSISTANT
Yes

SUPERVILLAIN
Good, then that's the preparation for this year's Villain's convention sorted.

ASSISTANT
Erm, sir.

SUPERVILLAIN
What is it?

ASSISTANT
Well, there was one thing I wanted to bring up...

SUPERVILLAIN
Yes?

ASSISTANT
It's about the venue.

SUPERVILLAIN
Yes? Well I've said it before and I'll say it again, we can't do underwater because that's where Lex hosted it last year. The flaming skull-shaped volcano was very decently priced, and it was one of the few places that would accept pets.

ASSISTANT
Pets?

SUPERVILLAIN
Yes, Dig Dastardly won't come if he can't take his guide dog.

ASSISTANT

Won't that be a problem if Cruella comes?

SUPERVILLAIN

Oh, no, Miss De Vill will never accept - it's an island, there's too much chance that her suede will get ruined.

ASSISTANT
Well, sir ... just take a look at the invite

(Here the assistant reads off the invite)

"The hotel can be accessed by helicopter, speedboat, galleon, or death star. Parking permits can be obtained from reception. Once parked, it's just a short three - hundred metre vertical climb up the cliff face to the main complex."

(short pause)

SUPERVILLAIN
And?

ASSISTANT
What about Long John Silver? Could a man with a wooden leg really make the climb?

SUPERVILLAIN
I'm sure he could try.

ASSISTANT
And what about Sauron? He's at least 50, 000 years old!

SUPERVILLAIN
It didn't stop him from terrorising Middle Earth.

ASSISTANT
Okay, well what about this?

(The assistant again reads from the invite)

ASSISTANT
"The hotel also features a golf course and swimming pool. These can be accessed using the rickety rope bridge spanning the lava-filled crater"

SUPERVILLAIN
Yes, and?

ASSISTANT
Do you really think that's a good idea with Emilio Largo and Blackbeard on the guestlist?

SUPERVILLAIN
What do you mean?

ASSISTANT
Well, they don't have any depth perception.

SUPERVILLAIN
It'll be fine, we'll pair them up with someone who can hold their hand.

ASSISTANT
What, like Darth Vader or Captain Hook?

SUPERVILLAIN
Oh.

(short silence)

ASSISTANT
Boss?

SUPERVILLAIN
Yes?

ASSISTANT
Are all villains disabled?