The Actor Sanctuary

A
I don't suppose you know where I am?

B
The actor sanctuary, of course.

A
Actor sanctuary?

B
Yes. You've heard of donkey sanctuaries, haven't you?

A
Well, yes –

B
Well, this is similar. These actors are old, out of work. We looks after them, we does. Except most of our incoming stock has two legs, and we don't let you ride them for £2 a go.

A
Ride them?

B
No, it's nearer £40 for that sort of service. Shall I give you a tour? Yes, much like a donkey sanctuary we give them a stimulating environment in which to live out the rest of their lives. Over there we have the female newreader's paddock.

Both men look to the left, and a sound effect plays. It is the sound of many female voices saying things like "Now, the headlines", "coming up later in the show" and "now, let's turn to the weather".

B
And, over there, the RSC pen.

Both men look to the left, and a sound effect plays. It is the sound of many male voices reciting the (in)famous Hamlet line "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio" slightly out of sync.

B
For just £2 a month, you can provide them with skulls to perform it properly.

A
And what's that over there?

There is an uncomfortably long silence.

B
The Pinter enclosure.