sound: School bell
TEACHER
Good morning, class. I'll be taking today's history lesson since your normal teacher, Mr Matthews, is helping the police with a murder investigation. If any of you saw Mr Matthews with a large knife on the night of the twenty-third, the police are urging witnesses to step forward. Now could you please open your textbooks to page fourteen.
SOUND: pages turning
TEACHER
Now, as you can see from the pictures, all Aztecs were skeletons who lived underground and ate off of broken plates.
STUDENT
Sir, Sir?
TEACHER
What is it?
STUDENT
We're not doing the Aztecs, we're doing the Soviet Union.
TEACHER
Right, then turn to page one-oh-three. Now you, you there?
STUDENT 2
Me?
TEACHER
Yes. You say that you're doing the Soviet Union, what do you know about it so far?
STUDENT 2
Erm, they were experimenting with nuclear energy, and had an accident
TEACHER
Exactly, which explains all the double-headed eagles around at the time.
STUDENT
Sir, sir?
TEACHER
Yes? Can't you just put your hand up to get my attention?
STUDENT
I would, sir, but this is radio, so you wouldn't notice me.
TEACHER
Fair point.
STUDENT
Well, sir, it's just. Are you sure that's right?
TEACHER
As sure as I am that the Majority of the World was buried beneath a layer of Red Paint in the nineteenth century..
STUDENT
But Mister Matthews said that the Red on the Map was the British Empire.
TEACHER
Well, I suppose you have to tell children something.
STUDENT
You mean it's not true?
TEACHER
It's one opinion.
STUDENT
What about this? Is this all paint?
TEACHER
Don't wave that around! Are you trying to get us all killed?
STUDENT
What?
TEACHER
My god, did Matthews teach you nothing?! We all know that large, multi-coloured maps start wars. Quick, we need to find a large, empty field with a memorial in it. [start to fade out] Soldiers tend to stop fighting once you build a memorial. It seems to drain their powers.
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