New Gameshows for summer 2012

The Crystal Moral Maze
Richard O’Brien and Michael Buerk host as panellists take part in provocative and engaging live debate, while completing an Aztec-themed assault course. In the first episode, the contestants will be asked to assemble a large, three dimensional polystyrene puzzle of a cube while asking whether drug companies should be given greater access to NHS patient data.

Robot Wars
Craig Charles presides over the mechanical mayhem. As nuclear weapons technology has become more sophisticated, and the Robots have gone nuclear, the threat of mutually assured destruction precludes ‘hot’ conflict. This week, Sergeant Bash clumsily negotiates a territorial treaty with Chaos II.

Skill or no skill?
A member of the public decides upon an order in which to open a number of sealed boxes. Meanwhile, Noel Edmonds pretends to have a conversation with an actuary.

Feet or parakeet?
Amputees compete in a general knowledge quiz to win the chance to play for the grand prize – a synthetic limb - or the consolation prize of an affable tropical bird. Alternately described as saccharine/ feel-good viewing* it’s a win-win situation. Although one prize they actually want to win.

I’m a Celebrity Mastermind
In between trials, competitors are asked to answer questions on a specialist subject. This week, Kirsty Young tests her knowledge of Shelley’s nineteenth century sonnets between swallowing mouthfuls of fried scorpion, and Jacqui Smith breaks down in tears as she can’t remember the composer of The Archers theme tune while crossing a high-wire, and Simon Rimmer reveals his knowledge of the accounts of Green’s Restaurant, Manchester**. Hosted by Ant, Dec, and John Humphreys.

Angry Countdown
The same as normal Countdown, but all contestants and adjudicators must shout their lines.

Britain’s Got A Serious Social Problem
Not to be confused with ‘I’m convinced that I have a modicum of talent, and members of my family encouraged me’, ‘Britain’s Got a Serious Social Problem’ involves a panel of three scathing judges heaping criticism and spitting bile at all who are paraded on stage before them. The twist is that those auditioning are homeless, and their routines consist of asking for some spare change, please, mate.

Luke, I am your father
The televised results of Scottish paternity tests.

Rise of the machines?

(If you're wondering where the sixth player went, Kryten got locked in during a game in the Industrial zone. He got distracted, started cleaning and didn't make it to the door before the two minutes elapsed.)

Dear BBC iPlayer

Dear BBC iPlayer,

If at all possible, could you please consume less of my free time? It's not that I don't like you as a video-streaming service, it's just that 4OD is getting slightly jealous.

Yours sincerely,
Emma.

Stuart Baggs: the Brand

I’m thinking of a TV show. Can you guess what it is?

The protagonist is a slim man with superhuman intellect. He travels, accompanied by an assistant who tempers his cold logic with empathic insight. He solves mysteries, wears a trench coat.




On first examination of the facts, Sherlock, the latest iteration of the story of Watson and Holmes, shares much common ground with the BBC’s favourite Time Lord. Further parallels may be drawn; the series is written by Steven Moffat and features Mark Gatiss. It delivers well-scripted, well-cast entertainment to a discerning audience. Recently, the franchise’s image had been updated.

You might have suspected that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s super-sleuth was harboured with a faulty Chameleon Circuit. Since Holmes’ iconic deerstalker cap first appeared in Sidney Paget’s illustrations in 1891, it has remained firmly affixed to his head. Like the British Government’s debt of £900 billion and that tiny smudge in the corner of your glasses, some things are hard to shift.

But the Doctor is free to traverse time periods; why should Holmes be tethered to the gas-lit turmoil of Victorian London? In an article for the Radio Times, Moffat wrote that “Doyle was writing fast-paced, contemporary detective thrillers – he wasn’t wasting time on what you could see from your own window. It was about story, surprise and jokes and of course those mind-bending deductions. He wasn’t – to state the obvious – writing a period piece.”

Moffat and Gatiss aren’t heretics – they’re renovators. While the Victorian aesthetic is ephemeral, the story’s appeal is perennial. The character of The Doctor had been been reinvented and re-dressed eleven times! Few would argue that his transformation from William Hartnell to Matt Smith has defiled the concept. Sherlock may not be a son of Gallifrey, but he was due a regeneration.




Whereas The Doctor relies on questionable quasi-science to resolve plots, Sherlock awes the viewer with a dazzling display of analytical acumen. His seemingly infinite capacity for knowledge and detail leaves the viewer stunned, the ratings high and the case solved.

Under the watchful eye of Moffat, Holmes has achieved a stunning resurgence. (Without the use of a sonic screwdriver.)