1. Reverse News
90% uplifting animal interest stories, end on 60 seconds of tragedy.
2. Excessively summarised News
Just a plus or minus sign to tell you whether yesterday was on average better or worse than the day before.
3. Noirs
The news, but framed with film noir style narration. “I knew the dame would be trouble the minute she won the election, with a 54% majority”
4. Pasta News
Interspersing reports with instructions for cooking a lovely, comforting pasta dish. So by the end of it you feel harrowed and informed, but also have a carbonara.
5. Increasingly distant news
The presenter takes a step away from the camera at the end of every sentence, until they are nothing more than a spec in the distance. Cons: the words become unintelligible. Pros: the words become unintelligible.
6. Amateur Pottery News
A group of amateur potters are commissioned to illustrate the day’s events, painting them on the sides of vases like what Greeks did. The results are presented without comment.
7. The View From the Gallery
Members of the production team stroke kittens. The news is being recorded elsewhere, but visible in a small monitor in the background.
8. The View From the Gallery (Plus).
Members of the production team stroke kittens. The news is being recorded elsewhere. It is not visible.
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