Short story: RGB Colourscheme

RGB Colourscheme, a zine of literary fiction/art/poetry is now available to read online. I may or may not have a piece in it. It may or may not be on page eight. 

Short story: Troubleshooting your smart fridge

This is a link to a short story what I wrote, what was published on Daily Science Fiction. It was inspired, as so many stories are, by the arrival of unnecessarily smart household appliances.

New News

The current news is depressing and repetitive. I propose the following alternatives:

1. Reverse News
90% uplifting animal interest stories, end on 60 seconds of tragedy.

2. Excessively summarised News
Just a plus or minus sign to tell you whether yesterday was on average better or worse than the day before. 

3. Noirs
The news, but framed with film noir style narration. “I knew the dame would be trouble the minute she won the election, with a 54% majority”

4. Pasta News
Interspersing reports with instructions for cooking a lovely, comforting pasta dish. So by the end of it you feel harrowed and informed, but also have a carbonara. 

5. Increasingly distant news
The presenter takes a step away from the camera at the end of every sentence, until they are nothing more than a spec in the distance. Cons: the words become unintelligible. Pros: the words become unintelligible. 

6. Amateur Pottery News
A group of amateur potters are commissioned to illustrate the day’s events, painting them on the sides of vases like what Greeks did. The results are presented without comment. 

7. The View From the Gallery
Members of the production team stroke kittens. The news is being recorded elsewhere, but visible in a small monitor in the background. 

8. The View From the Gallery (Plus). 
Members of the production team stroke kittens. The news is being recorded elsewhere. It is not visible. 

Shall I compare thee?

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate

And less filled with mosquitoes;

Thou contain fewer picnics

And thou art much sweatier.

Thou lookst better in swimwear

Although

In truth

I have not seen a summer’s day in swimwear.

For this to be a fair comparison

We shoulds’t deck nature in its kind.

Drape each darling bud of May

in lycra

Halter the necks of swaying blooms

With polka-dot triangles

And slather each ripen’ning bud

In Factor 50.

Glue tiny Raybans to the faces of wasps

And miniature flip-flops to the foot of each passing ant.

In truth

I think this sounds like quite a lot of work

And I have lost faith in the comparison.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

No.

No I shall not.