The Agent

A lot of people have asked me how I got into the role of ‘Claire’. Well, one day my agent came to me with the script for the show, and I said ‘no’. And he said ‘yes’, and I said ‘no’. And he said ‘yes’, and I said ‘Dad’, and he said ‘don’t call me that when we’re working’ and I said ‘Daddy, we’re just sitting in the kitchen’, and he said ‘We’re having a working lunch’, and I said ‘I’m not eating anything’, and he said ‘Good, with a figure like that it’s no wonder you’re not getting any decent roles’, and I said ‘I think I should be in school’ and he said ‘You’re just a comic device, your school didn’t exist until you mentioned it until just then’ and I said ‘Well, since it does exist now, can I go?’, and he said ‘If I did permit you to go, that would somewhat undermine the callous father figure that I seem to represent’ and I said “Would that matter?” and he said “It’d be bad writing” and I said “Isn’t having a conversation descend into a discussion of whether it constitutes bad writing bad writing?” and he said “It depends how long it lasts” and I said nothing, because we suddenly both decided that the conversation had finished.