Resolutions

I resolve not to feel pressured into making promises on the basis that it’s customary on a certain day of the year. I resolve not to feel too bad about breaking my first resolution.

I resolve not to tell friends with young children that ugly ducklings usually grow into ugly ducks. I resolve to go into a branch of ikea and pretend it is my home, and refuse to leave when the security interrupt me cooking dinner. I resolve to find out whether ‘any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic’ by taking an iPhone and an illusionist to a shopping centre, and seeing if shoppers can tell which is which. I resolve to stop dropping latin words into conversation, ad nauseam.

Finally, and most importantly, I resolve to finish what I –