Will someone please commission the intersection?

List: Things which reproduce by binary fission

(Roll mouse over image for alternative punchline)

The internet is made of cats. Here's a story about one with whom I currently live.

I'm not entirely sure what it is about the cat lampshade - or, as the marketing team would have you call it, the 'campshade' - which puts felines in such a bad mood. Perhaps it's the constant cases of mistaken identity. Completely ignoring the inconvenience caused by being confused for traffic cones and phonographs,



aforementioned objects are infamously litigious. Attending hearings for identity fraud seriously reduces the time available for a cat to ... do whatever it is exactly that cats do when they're not sleeping, eating or attending hearings for identity fraud.

Of course, silence isn't the only reaction to the campshade...


.

My cat, however, likes to do things a little differently.



I tried not to laugh. Honestly, I did. But then this happened.







It's amazing the difference that a little access to cat food can make.

Dear BBC iPlayer

Dear BBC iPlayer,

If at all possible, could you please consume less of my free time? It's not that I don't like you as a video-streaming service, it's just that 4OD is getting slightly jealous.

Yours sincerely,
Emma.

The five stages of snow

Here in the UK, we have our own special variation of the Kübler-Ross model, employed exclusively when snow manages to settle. Snow settling in the UK is a small miracle in itself, given the points-based immigration system.

1. Surprise

Those of you thinking that question is absurd have obviously never had to wake up to the consequences of on Amazon 1-click ordering.

2. Honeymoon

3. Divorce.

Said the snowman.

4. Complete paralysis of the rail network

5. Rolling news coverage of gritting depots

I'd always assumed that the reporter had recently argued with the production staff. Hell hath no fury like a locations manager scorned.

Stuart Baggs: the Brand

Fear

People very rarely have a genuine fear of heights. It’s usually more of a fear of the ground combined with a fear of sudden deceleration.